少年人用什么洁净他的行为？

文 | 安迪
《生命与信仰》第42期

音频为何杨弟兄朗读:

我生长在一个基督徒家庭里，今年16岁了，但我直到2022年2月12日上午才接受基督。在美国的10年和在中国的6年里，我非常熟悉各种圣经故事，因为我的父亲是一名牧师，我的家人后来在中国做了宣教士。然而，三年级时，手淫把我拖上了一条引向无比羞耻和罪疚的路。各种色情媒体更助长了我的罪恶之火，把我拖向无底的深渊，无法自拔。

当我深陷于色情捆绑的时候，我感到上帝以不同的形式向我传递了祂的爱和希望。小学时，爸爸跟我谈起过色情的罪和上帝救赎之爱（上帝接纳所有愿意悔改接受耶稣基督救赎的罪人），但我心里充满了羞耻感，我不想坦白自己的罪。虽然我知道上帝爱我，并且有能力帮助我，但我不愿意接受上帝的爱，因为每次我祷告之后，本应该治死自己的罪了，但我却会重蹈覆辙，一次又一次地犯手淫和色情的罪。我觉得我已经没有希望了，因为没有人能在我犯罪的时候，亲身阻止我。我觉得我不能把我的生命交给神，因为色情上瘾就像锁链一样把我绑住，使我无法修复我与神之间破裂的关系。我一方面极度渴望跟人坦白我色情成瘾的问题，一方面又放不下自己的面子，不想让人看到我对神的不顺服。虽然我相信神爱我，为我的罪而死、使我能够得到拯救，但我对神的认识无法穿透我心中那层羞耻和内疚的坚硬外壳。我觉得我不配得到神的爱，但我知道祂仍然爱我。在国内的一个青年营会中，一位高中生分享了自己在色情方面的挣扎。他分享结束时，鼓励所有色情成瘾的人都站起来，让大家为他们祷告。当然，我没有站起来。回想起来，我知道我当时的犹豫是因为我害怕别人会用厌恶的眼光看我。

两年前我们家搬到美国时，我和妹妹开始寻找并参加不同的青年团契。在我们参观果园教会的青年团契时，他们的主题正是专门针对色情问题。那次讲道给了我一些克服色情的知识，我相信这是上帝给我的信息，让我看到祂的爱。上帝在提醒我，祂一直在等待，给我机会接受祂的爱。但我继续陷入试探，最终放弃了胜过色情诱惑的努力。

几周前，我参加了学校基督徒俱乐部的活动，那天播放了YouTube上的一次关于罪的讲道信息。这篇讲道说明了当人们偏执于抓住某种事物、成就或能力，他们就无法得到救赎。传道人拿着一些锁链，把它们放进一个棺材里。他解释说捆绑我们的罪都因耶稣的死和复活而被治死了，并再次谈到了上帝救赎的爱。信息结束后，主席鼓励大家把自己的 “锁链”写在他们分发的一张小纸上。我非常犹豫，慢慢地在纸上写下了 “色情”两个字，并与同桌的一些朋友分享了我色情成瘾的罪。俱乐部结束后，我意识到我需要与我爸爸分享我的挣扎，让他带领我重新与神和好，得到医治。

2022年2月12日上午，在一家餐馆里，我向神和我父亲忏悔了我的罪。我把我所有的罪放在爱我的上帝面前。我终于能够接受神的爱，因为祂在我还是个罪人时就差祂的儿子为我的罪而死。上帝的爱使我的骄傲变得谦卑，让我知道我是祂的孩子。上帝帮助我向祂敞开了我的心扉，因祂的爱带走了我的羞耻和内疚。我不再害怕分享我所面临的挣扎，因为耶稣为我所犯的每一项罪而死。我不必生活在羞耻中，因为神已经让我摆脱了罪。即使将来会有试探，我知道神会加力量给我，并向我显明祂的旨意。现在，我的使命就是认识上帝，并且让祂为人所知。

今天，我要接受洗礼！因为我想让大家知道，我曾经是罪和色情成瘾的奴隶，但现在我已经被上帝所爱，所赦免！这位上帝为我舍弃了祂儿子的生命。我想让大家知道，神的爱已经带走了我的羞耻和罪疚，彻底打碎了色情对我的捆绑！

How Can a Young Person Stay on the Path of Purity?

By Andy

Audio By Andy:

I grew up in a Christian family for 16 years but I didn’t accept Christ until the morning of February 12 2022. For 10 years in America and 6 years in China, I was very familiar with various bible stories because my Dad was a pastor and my family were later missionaries in China. However, in third grade I discovered masturbation which led me on a road to immense shame and guilt. Pornography fueled the fire of my sin and pulled me deeper and deeper into a hole I couldn’t pull myself out of.

During the time of my addiction to pornography, I felt God send his love and hope to me in different forms. In elementary school, my Dad talked to me about pornography and God’s love and power to forgive  (God acceptes all siners who repented and accepted Jesus Christ’s salvation), but I was filled with shame and I didn’t want to expose any of my sins. Although I knew God loved me and had the power to help me, I wasn’t willing to accept God’s love because after I prayed and supposedly put my sin to death, I would dig up my habits of masturbation and porn again, and again, and again like digging up a dead body. I felt like there was no hope for my addiction because there was no one physically to stop me from digging up my addictions. I felt like I couldn’t give my life to God because my addictions were like chains that tied me down, keeping me from healing my relationship with him. I desperately longed to speak to someone about my addiction to porn but I was embarrassed of myself and wouldn’t want anyone to see my disobedience to God. Although I believed there was a God who loved me and died for my sins so that I could be saved, my knowledge of God couldn’t penetrate my heart’s thick shell of shame and guilt. I felt like I was unworthy of God’s love yet I knew he still loved me. During a youth camp in China, a highschool senior presented a speech about his struggle of pornography. At the end of his speech, he encouraged anyone who was a porn addict to stand and let others pray for them. Of course, I didn’t stand. But looking back on that moment, I hesitated to stand because I was afraid that others would look at me with disgust.

When my family moved to America two years ago, my sister and I were looking for different youth groups to attend. At our visit to The Orchard youth group, their topic was specifically about pornography. That sermon gave me some knowledge to overcome porn and I believe was a message from God to show me his love. God was reminding me that he was always waiting and giving me opportunities to accept his love. But I continued to fall into temptation and eventually gave up on trying to fight porn.

A few weeks ago, I attended the Christian club at my school but this time they were presenting a YouTube sermon about sin. The video explained that people were holding onto an item, achievement or ability that prevents them from receiving salvation. The preacher took some chains and put them into a coffin. He explained our sin is dead because of the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus. And again, he talked about God’s love and power to save us. After the video ended, the club encouraged everyone to write their “chains’’ on a small piece of paper they handed out. With great hesitation, I slowly wrote the words PORN on a piece of paper and shared my addiction with some friends at my table. After the club ended, I realized that I needed to share my struggles with my dad so he could lead me to healing.

At a restaurant on the morning of February 12 2022, is when I confessed my sins to God and my dad. I laid all my sins before God who loves me. I was able to accept God’s love because he sent his son to die for me while I was a sinner. God’s love humbled my pride and showed me that I am his child. God opened my heart to him because his love for me took my shame and guilt away. I’m not afraid to share about the struggles I’ve faced because Jesus died for every sin I’ve ever committed. I don’t have to live in shame because God has set me free of my sin. Even though there will be temptations in the future, I know that God will strengthen me and show me his will. Now, my mission is to know God and to make him known.

 Today, I want to be baptized because I want others to know that I was a slave to my sin and my addiction to porn, but now I am loved and forgiven by a God who gave his Son to die for me. I want others to know that God’s love has taken away my shame and guilt and broke my addiction to pornography.

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